no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
