Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
