Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
