You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
