Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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