There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dick very happy bro
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize