its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
