Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
