TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
