but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
