are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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