I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
