The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
