Your dad touched me again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
