saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
