You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
