All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
