I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
