Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
