I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
