Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
