Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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