i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
