Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
