my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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