This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
