i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
