The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
