I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
