gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
