dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the day after is always just damage control
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
