yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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