I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
