you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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