how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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