I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
