Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
