i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
