she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
