It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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