i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
