My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
