Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize