really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
