I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i love accidental penises.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
