HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
