Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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