Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
operation harelip BJ is a go
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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