the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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