i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
