i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we're making bets on your personal life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
