I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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