my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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