WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.