yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.