tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me