Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.