You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.