im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
