I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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